Rants — March 17, 2013 at 15:57

Kill your gods.

Hi. If your feelings are like ripe apples and bruise easily, then you need to move on and not read this.  It is not a request to share opinions or exchange ideas, because if yours are different from mine, then I dont give half a fuck.  This is a rant, which means, I give you my opinion. No reply needed.  If you are not keen on this, then don’t read.

You’re still here!


Ok then, now that we established basic house rules, I will begin.

I hate religion in all of its forms. I hate avid religiosity, and I hate casual “Sunday religiosity” of convenience. I even (slightly) dislike so-called “atheists” or “agnostics” who, like the sheep that they are, keep on dressing up Christmas trees every year, only reinforcing the religious stupidity of others.

What is my fucking problem? Hah.. A better question would be “what ISN’T my problem?”  I have strong opinions, I am loud, and, if provoked, will rub your face in these opinions the way you rub a retriever’s face in a freshly laid turd on the living room floor. But you know what, while it isn’t pretty, it has to be done.  And often I feel that my stance on religion is actually too soft.

Okies, here is a list of reasons why I am so fucking antireligious.

1.  Religion just doesn’t make sense

Coming from the Western world so throughly infected with Christianity, I can list a bunch of idiotic beliefs which actually form the basis of the Christian faith: 6000 year old Earth, the Great Flood, virgin birth, and resurrection immediately pop into my mind, and most blonde-haired, blue-eyed folks out there have heard of these (blonde and blue, just like Jesus…). Since they form part of the collection of familiar stories that we got bombarded with since a very young age, most people tend to not question them (“Whats wrong with the virgin birth story? I mean, that’s why we call her VIRGIN Mary, right?”) , so I will get out of the familiar a little bit and list some of the stupid beliefs that other groups hold to be true.

Holy SpiritMormons believe that Jesus came to North America, whose original inhabitants were white, but then God punished them for being a naughty bunch of bastards by turning their skin dark. This belief is so fucking unhingedly stupid, you really need a lobotomy to be into this sort of thing. And it is fucking racist as fuck, but no surprise there, as the Mormon faith was cobbled together by a bunch of cousin-marrying idiots who could barely spell their own names, never mind have any knowledge of prehistoric human migration or mitochondrial DNA, which might actually suggest that we are all the same fucking people, never mind how much pigment we have in our skin.

You know what, never mind Mormons… They look like a totally sane bunch when compared to Scientologists, whose religious beliefs are such a fucking confused mish-mash of psychobabble and sci-fi creativity, that they would be better off selling comic books than trying to convert your retarded grandmother (while emptying her pockets, because conversion aint free…) In a nutshell, Scientologists believe that humans are inhabited by the souls of some extraterrestrials who came here millions of years ago in spaceships which landed in volcanoes… or something like that. Google this shit for yourself, I cant be fucked to read about it because every sentence I go through seems to give me a tiny stroke (in my brain, not on the…aw, screw it)

I could write for months about stupid beliefs people have.  The point is, if other people’s beliefs are so mental, why do you think yours are so spot on “for real”?  It is easy for a Kentuckian to see that Hanuman, the “flyin’ monkey god dat dem towelheads pray to” is bogus, but much more difficult to pull your head out of your own ass and notice that the merciful god of the Bible is actually a mass-murdering fuckhead who, according to the Holy Book itself, killed 371,186 people directly and ordered another 1,862,265 people murdered. Yikes!  And this guy supposedly gets all pissed off every time I carry out my own holocaust inside a tube sock…

2. Religion spreads bad logic

If you were raised by ignorant parents who equipped you with such bad cognitive skills that you have no problem accepting stories about virgins having babies, flying monkey gods, and 800-year-old men, then why would you be expected to call “bullshit” on the variety of everyday scams thrown at you by the multitude of charlatans who make a good living out of fleecing the mentally stunted religious crowd?  And so, millions of people around the world devour shark fin, rhino horn, bear bile, tiger claw, and other body parts of various endangered species, just because they are unable to stop the cycle of bullshit.

True story, bro...

True story, bro…

And it’s not just China, which seems to busy itself devouring every ecosystem: In the west, people fall for every snake-oil salesman’s pitch. Weight loss supplements, memory-aid pills, magnets to cure your arthritis, stupid claims made by reflexology craptitioners (yes, I made up a word here, share it with friends)…  It never ends.  If we spent more time teaching kids about science, ecology, and health, and less about Ganesh, Baby Jesus, and fucking Hanukkah Harry (or whatever fat man the Jews have distributing totally unfunny but very practical gifts during their festive season), then maybe, just maybe, we could slow down the spread of the AIDS epidemic, get rid of tobacco-related deaths, and eliminate drunk driving. This can be achieved, but not via prayer or via burning joss sticks at Dalai Lama’s temple…

3. Religion turns people into blind sheep

Due to the authoritarian control most religions exert on their followers, there is no place for questions or discussions. If you start opening your yapper too much at a Catholic church, asking too many questions and otherwise being “a pest”, you will find yourself without a church. Doing this at a mosque might result in finding yourself without  a head (well, technically, it won’t be YOU finding yourself without your head, but your family…).  jesus endorsementSo, the priest, rabbi, imam, whoever, says “do this, do that” and you do this and that.  Sometimes it is benign shit, but all too often it is dangerous and hateful crap like burning down the competing temple next door, or hacking a bunch of people with machettes, just because they were followers of the wrong delusion.  In India, with its kaleidoscope of religious belief, there is a tremendous amount of instigation on behalf of various holy leaders.  Not to be outdone, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Afghanistan, Iran.. Fuck it.. Everyone between Morocco and Papua New Guinea is run by one religious leader or another who easily control people claiming that “God said so”…  And so women get beaten up for not covering their heads, homosexuals get killed, undesirables like Christians or Jews get chased out (or killed), and everyone is ok with it, because.. well… GOD WILLED IT THAT WAY!

If you are not convinced, do some reading about the Balkan conflict of the 1990’s: the various religious groups there just went fucking nuts killing each other for NO REAL REASON other than the perceived differences their different faiths provided, and their leaders exploited. This neatly leads to the next bit:

4. Religion divides humanity

Muslims killed by "Our Shit Don't Stink" Buddhists in Burma.

Muslims killed by “Our Shit Don’t Stink” Buddhists in Burma.

Long time ago, when the world was flat, a journey of 20km was a big expedition, and you never saw the people living behind The Big Mountain, religion provided some sort of tool of social control: the monkeys who recently climbed down from trees were told to not hack at each other with swords because Horus/Jesus/Buddha didn’t want them to, and it usually worked sometimes.  Unfortunately, as soon as the different groups started to have contact with each other, there was a clear and unmistakable difference between people. And what do we do to whatever is different? We attack it!  The Balkans being a very recent example, human history for the past 4000 years or so has been one big story of religious violence.

The spread of Buddhism into China was largely done at the point of a sword, much like the spread of Islam into Asia, as was the loving spread of Christianity into the Americas.  A lot of the killing was done for the more earthly purposes of greed, but the killing was much easier because the ones being killed were members of a weird and worthless out-group.  No one seemed concerned that the in-group / out-group criteria were totally stupid.  It was enough that someone had a cross, didn’t have a cross, or lacked a foreskin, and… off with their head! The Holocaust was only possible because millions of people were not the same as millions of other people. I will get attacked for this, but THERE COULD NOT HAVE BEEN A HOLOCAUST IF THERE WERE NO JEWS, right? (or Christians, or whatevers). Yes, odds are people would and will find a new reason to kill their neighbours, but one less reason cannot hurt.  In a world that is more and more closely resembling a village, and where one man’s holy animal is another man’s food, we dont really have any space for rules being handed down to us by “imaginary friends”.

"How dare you flash that X-chromosome like a common whore!?!?"

“How dare you flash that X-chromosome like a common whore!!!”

These “friends” also happen to be highly misogynistic, as just about every religion in the world seems to have some sort of problem with women.  This is a particular slap in the face of human dignity and progress, because to go out there and set up a belief system that treats 50% of the world’s population as inferior is just about fucking criminal.  In the world where women have emerged from the kitchen into cockpits of 747s, into spacecraft, into hospital operating rooms and into engineering firms, we really do not need these sociopathic “shepherds” telling us about the weaker sex which has to sit in a separate room at the church or mosque.  Religion, coupled with religion-shaped tradition has made women into slaves, a lesser race of sorts, which has been hounded “into its place” as an incubator, a breeding cow, a cook, preferably in a burka, and in the house. I do not fucking endorse this shit, and neither should you.  And this is not only Islam: this is EVERYWHERE.

Evolution, devolution...

Evolution, devolution…

5. Religion jams its snout into everyone’s business

I wouldn’t have that much of a problem with religion if the belief systems limited themselves to something more like this:

“Don’t kill, Don’t steal, Don’t be a fuckhead.”

In reality, this is not even religion, its just basic rules of living in the society. DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE. Done. No need for complex theology.  Unfortunately, our monkey cousins all over the world dressed up their religions to be something much more, and before long, the long snouts of religious leaders got into my bedroom, instructing me on whose asshole my dick is not allowed to penetrate, how long my wife’s outfit has to be lest she get beaten up on the street, which day of the week I am not allowed to buy milk for my toddler son, or whether I am allowed to enter this or that town while wearing leather boots.  Just as second hand smoke irritates the fuck out of me, while my clean air doesn’t really irritate smokers that much, my atheism is not entering Muslims, Christian, Buddhist, or Jewish homes.  I am not aborting their fetuses. I am not fucking their sisters (or brothers), at least not until they reach the age of consent. I am not making them eat anything, and when I deny them something (shark fin, rhino horn, panda ham), it is because of its wastefulness, not sinfulness.


Most importantly, I am open to discussion (in a proper forum, not in the anonymous world of internet trolls).  “Word of God” isn’t.  The Bible, the Koran, the harrypotteresque Vedas have not changed for thousands of years.  Atheists want to learn, expand their knowledge, improve human condition. Religious followers want stasis, they want to be stuck in the world of rules set by people who knew absolutely diddley-squat about the world.  Holy books offer no guidance in the world of nuclear weapons, viruses, meteorites, mutating DNA, and supersonic transport.

It is time to evolve.

It is time to kill your gods and to turn on your brains.


If you disagree, my reply is baaaaa baaaaa baaaa, baaaa, baaaaa baaaaa baaaaa, baaaaaaa. BAAAAA!!!  Baaaa, baaaa, baaaa!!!!!  Baaaa…

Fuck you, God...

Right, it’s been emotional, but it’s time to fuck off, Mr. God…



  1. Wow, that’s quite some rant! Nice one!

  2. My religion is McDonald’s, and if you don’t bow to the Golden Arches, you will be flame broiled for all eternity, now go eat your whopper douche bag.

  3. I had a whopper today, and a quarter pounder yesterday. Both times I had a milkshake. I am bishakesual, you bigoted fuckhead. 🙂

  4. Hey, as long as you can back it up with 100% beef, I’m OK with that…

  5. Thanks…Freak’n entertaining read mate.

  6. Great read man. Thank you for sharing it with us. Sadly religion has in fact halted humanity and has been used to invoke the worst in us. However, people are slowly wising up. But, it is at a slow pace. Unfortunately, there are some religious groups that try to make themselves relevant and they come up with stuff like in the video I will post here. If you have time check it out……it really makes you wonder just how crazy religion is and how it has made people dumb. Take care man. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-XgQXUIUMg

  7. Hey Emil…great rant. As a fellow atheist I concur completely. Well written. Logical. And fucking hysterical. Anyway…have you seen the short film Jesus Was A Commie? If not, it’s worth a look. Cheers. – Regan. http://www.jesuswasacommiefilm.com/

  8. Buddhism was established as a state religion by Indian Emperor Ashoka (through the sword), but it did not enter China through the sword in the usual sense. They were sent through missionaries, and of course through interaction when Chinese Empire started expanding into Central Asia (sort of a reverse through the sword)? Buddhism was also either sponsored or repressed depending on the personal beliefs of the Emperors.
    The Tibetans Lamaist sect of Buddhism was established as national religion of China by the Manchus when they conquered China however, even though there have already been a native Mahayana tradition for thousand of years. The Manchu founded it politically expedient to preferentially support the religion of the Tibetan and Mongols because being nomadic people they were a military threat with their cavalry skills.

  9. Also, shark fin is delicious! If you don’t eat it, more for us.
    If you are concerned about sustainability and animal welfare of sharks, contact the Indonesians, the Indians and the Spanish who are the largest producers of shark meat.

  10. Not to go off on a tangent, but the Chinese are the biggest, and most likely ONLY consumers of shark fin. The Indonesians, Filipinos, Indonesians, and others are simply harvesting to make a living. But that was not the point of the rant. Many nations do stupid, unsustainable things. My point was that it is time to start thinking about what we are doing, instead of acting like there is a Magical Monkey in the Sky taking care of us.

  11. As far as the spread of Buddhism, while it was not as focused as the Spanish delivery of “Christianity” to South America, there was a tremendous amount of bloodshed associated with the arrival of Buddhism in different parts of China. Buddhism displaced traditional Daoism, which then started to displace Buddhism whenever there was a change in the government. Trying to compensate for losses, the buddhists and the Daoists were hacking at each other in a fashion not much different from the peaceful Buddhist proceedings in Sri Lanka.

  12. Hmm while there are indeed conflicts between Buddhists and Daoists in China, I am not sure if there were widespread communal violence between Buddhists and Daoists. Simply because Daoism was/is a much less organized religion than Buddhists are. Certainly they demonized each other, even in the tale of Journey to the West, the charlatans in the stories are Taoist priests, and I have also seen the reversed in other tales. The thing with Daoism is its rather cultish and focused on magic, with appeal to the masses based on superstition (which a lot of Chinese people are). Certainly Taoist Doomsday based cults have also rose to great prominence in political affairs when rebel leaders rise up to overthrow a dynasty based on some prophesy.
    “The relationships between Taoism and Buddhism are complex, as they influenced each other in many ways while often competing for influence. Taoism in its early form was a mixture of early mythology, folk religion, and Taoist philosophy. The arrival of Buddhism forced Taoism to renew and restructure itself into a more organized religion, while addressing similar existential questions raised by Buddhism. Early Buddhism was sometimes seen as a kind of foreign relative of Taoism and its scriptures were often translated into Chinese with Taoist vocabulary. Ch’an Buddhism in particular holds many beliefs in common with philosophical Taoism. “Daoist (Taoist) simplicity stimulated Chan’s abandonment of Buddhist theory and was accompanied by another traditional Daoist feature — the emphasis on total absorption in practice of a highly cultivated skill.””
    Also, many Confucian bureaucrats/ thinkers despised the Buddhists and thought the monks were anti-family slackers and freeloaders who don’t work and refuse to do their familial duty of having children and descendents. As a result of this cultural environment, Chan (Zen) Buddhist monks start to farm (something they don’t do else where) and invented the Sutra of Filial Piety.
    “The text attempts to synthesise native Confucian ideals with Buddhist teachings and was probably produced by Chinese Buddhist monks in imitation of the Confucian Classic of Filial Piety. The sutra seeks to refute Confucian criticism that Buddhism’s traditionally monastic focus undermines the virtue of filial piety.”
    As much as there were conflicts between different ideologies/beliefs in China, I don’t think for the majority population, Buddhism or Taoism actually cause that much societal conflicts. Many temples in China have shrines dedicated to both Confucius and the Buddha and maybe even Laozi and/or local Daoist gods….
    And the Chinese government historically doesn’t have qualms about crushing whatever religion happen to threaten the state, whether its Christian based Taiping Rebellion or the Muslim based Dungan rebellion or the Buddhsit based White Lotus sect. The State has always been supreme in Chinese society. Ofcourse under Mao, people were radicalized to attack and destroy all superstitions, which result in great loss of heritage, I don’t think we need more of that…
    As for the communal conflicts in Srilanka, isn’t it also due to the fact that the majority are Sinhalese with a Hindu Tamil minority? The fact that they have different religions just allow them to hate each other more. You could argue they already hate each other to begin with, the religions just grease their sense of hatred.

  13. Please try to remember to keep comments shorter than the original article.

  14. Your last sentence: isn’t that a good enough reason to get rid of this crap then? Obviously getting rid of religion and superstition will not automatically turn the world into a paradise, but it probably will not hurt. And I dont mean “get rid of it” at gunpoint, I just mean “grow out of it”.

  15. Well, I offer no solutions on how to fix the world’s many problems. But allowing for the freedom and plurality of ideas and beliefs should hopefully lead it to a less destructive direction….

  16. Ideas, yes. Beliefs, not so much. Ideas are responsive to reason. Beliefs (in the classical sense, i.e. God, Krishna, Tooth fairy, Jesus) will only slow down any sort of progress, because they are fundamentally opposed to reason.

  17. http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=e7f_1363613932 George Carlin most likely said it best here…

  18. Nice graphics.

  19. Great speech, I agree on the most part! You clearly value your on life enough not to mention Islam with such distain though ;P

  20. Mmmmmmm… Panda ham.

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